


I'll be with you all the way

by DragonMotherKhaleesi



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-02-11 10:58:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2065587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonMotherKhaleesi/pseuds/DragonMotherKhaleesi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remember, I’ll be with you all the way....And he would remember. Until the day he joined him in the sky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll be with you all the way

He never thought he’d end up widowed at the age of 28. Let alone widowed at all, hell he didn’t expect to ever settle down. But he did. And everyday when he looks back he finds himself thankful for getting on that shuttle in Riverside. Because if he hadn’t he wouldn’t had met the greatest man, who would one day become his husband.

5 years they had been married. 5 years 6 months and 26 days to be exact. And even now, standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom of the McCoy family farm, he couldn’t find the courage to remove his wedding ring. To him it was like betraying his husband, even through he was gone, it felt wrong.

He didn’t know how long he’d been standing there. Looking to himself in the mirror, seeing a complete stranger, before someone had come looking for him.

Jan had been friends with the both of them since they had gotten married, and had considered the both of them as her brothers. And while the loss of Leonard had hit her deeply, she knew it had hurt Jim way more. She hated seeing him so sad- she’d seen all the glances he took towards the ring he refused to take off, and she wished there were some sort of words to give him to make things easier for him.

She’d been asked to go find him by one of the others, for the service was going to start soon. It had taken some time, but eventually she found him- and seeing the look on his face through the mirror caused Jan to stop in the doorway, letting out a small sigh as one hand rubbed against her other elbow.

"I wish I knew what to say to make this better. God, I do." The one time someone probably needed words of encouragement the most, and she was speechless.

He didn’t turn his head from the mirror. He didn’t need to. Jim knew who was behind him, and he found it even more impossible to look at her. If there was one person who knew his pain beside his daughter-in-law, it was her. He took a long deep breath and wiped at his eyes. Putting the normal mask back on and turning around.

"Don’t wanna keep them waiting." He said moving to step around her. Through the months that followed Leonard’s death, Jim had become cold, distant and harsh. No one knowing what to say to the captain of the Enterprise. Not Jan nor Uhura, for he had shut himself out. The only one he gave time to was Caleb or Joanna. His and Len’s adopted son, and Len’s biological daughter. Only the two of them and Jan had seen his tears. Only they had seen the outcome of the darkest point in his life. Only the three of them…Made it so he didn’t follow his husband into death.

The grounds of the farm were packed. Mostly with the McCoy family, cousins, uncles and aunts. But then the full crew of the Enterprise had come to give their respect. Ny, Spock, Scotty, Sulu and Pavel…All stood to the side, talking with some family members or sipping on refreshments Eleanor had made. The first one to spot Jim was Nyota. Handing her cup to Spock to move across the yard, surprisingly quick for a woman in heels, to wrap her arms around her friend. Whispering her condolences and asking if there were anything she could do.

"No…" Was Jim’s response. A plain and simple ‘no’, was all he could manage. She frowned lightly and didn’t move. She wasn’t buying it this time, not that she had before. She cupped his stubbled cheek in her hand and forced him to meet her eyes.

"James…" She never used his full name, must be important. "This wasn’t you fault…" She whispered so only he could hear. He didn’t want to hear this. Not again. Not for the fifth time…It was really tiring.

"I didn’t try hard enough…" He barked. Not really meaning to, but when someone as tired as he was, was hearing the same thing over and over again, it was a habit. He knew somewhere deep down that it wasn’t true. There wasn’t much one could do to combat Xenopolycythemia. Not even the months of treatment Len had gone through. "Excuse me…" He said spotting his son and Eleanor standing waiting for him, to close to the casket for comfort. He didn’t take the time to say his goodbyes. His heart couldn’t handle seeing his deceased husband laying so still and pale.

When Caleb saw his father he ran. Dressed in a suit and tie that nearly matched Jim’s. He knelt down and gathered the six year old in his arms. He had no idea what was going on. Jim made sure he knew little of his dad’s disappearance, he didn’t have the heart to tell him. Joanna had asked once to tell him herself. To try and make it easier on Jim. But he refused, insisting that he’d tell Caleb. Which he never did.

"Papa…Where’s daddy?" Caleb asked. The boy, though adopted had Len’s dark hair and tan skin, but his eyes were as vibrant blue as Jim’s. "He said he was getting better…" It was then the boy realized what was going on. "He said he was going to come home."

"Daddy…" He choked out. "Daddy isn’t coming back baby…" He said fighting the urge to look away. The boy frowned confused, not understanding what he was being told. He shook his head, stepping back from Jim. Not the reaction his father wanted, but it was expected.

"B—But he promised…" Caleb’s voice quiver. That broke Jim’s heart. He had to look down to mask the oncoming tears. "He promised he was going to come home and take us camping…" Eleanor stepped forward ready to pull him away, seeing Jim’s shoulders shake. "I wanna see Daddy!" Caleb shouted, catching everyone’s attention. "I wanna see my daddy!" The tears fell freely now, as Jim broke. The strong captain broke down in sobs, pulling the boy into his arms. How was he supposed to do this? Bones was always the one to hold everything together. The man of the house had left and now everything was broken. The family was parted down the middle and Jim didn’t know how to fix it. He rose with the boy in his arms and slowly made his way to the casket. Holding the boy to show him the motionless man.

"He just needs his rest baby…" He lied. He hadn’t the heart. The boy looked to him for a moment and reached out, touching the cold hand of his father. He smiled just a little, buying into one of Jim’s fibs. Jan was the one who took the boy from Jim’s arms, as Jim reached down to press his hand to Len’s cheek. Eleanor came beside him and took his shoulder in her hand. Moving him to sit down with the others are the funeral began. It started with a speech from Admiral Anderson, a friend of Bones from the academy, followed by the 21 gun salute. All rose and Caleb was returned to his father’s arms. Holding him tight to his chest when the guns rang, knowing the 6 year old would jump each time. Then taps played, forcing more tears to fall from Jim’s eyes, then the closing of the casket, making him look once more to Bones face before it disappeared forever. Then the folding of the flag. Normally the flag was presented to a family member, but Eleanor made it clear that Jim would be the one receiving it.

"This flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation and the United Federation of Planets as a token of appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service." A cadet said handing the flag to Jim. Who took it with no more than a nod of his head. When the cadet disappeared family rose to either hug or shake Jim’s, Joanna’s or Eleanor’s hand telling them yet again how sorry they were for their loss. When he finally had the courage to move set Caleb on the ground and rose. Taking Caleb’s hand in his he gave a sad smile to the boy and moved towards the house.

"Captain." He heard. Forcing him to stop and turn around. Spotting Admiral Anderson he frowned, confused to why someone stopped him for his plans to go to the barn and drink away his sorrows. "I was asked to give you this." He said, holding out an envelop addressed to him. He frowned more, now completely confused. "He said I’d know the right time to give it to you." It clicked then. This was from Leonard.

"Thank you Admiral." He said earning a nod from his superior, who turned and walked away. He looked to the front of the envelop and smiled sadly. "Jan…" He called out. Seeing her stop on her way to the house. She walked over slowly and he smiled lightly. "Take Caleb to the house and snatch him a piece of cake would’ya?" He asked.

"But what about you Papa?" Caleb asked not wanting to go away. Jim leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the top of the boys head.

"I’ll be there shortly." He said. With that Caleb and Jan disappeared towards the house as Jim took his seat again. Quickly opening the letter and leaning forward to read softly.

_'Jim,_

_I know that if your reading this, then I didn’t make it. Can’t say I’m not surprised because I was the one who told them that cancer treatment isn’t what cures Xenopolycythemia. Do me a favor and give the doctors a piece of my mind would ya? Dumbasses need to get their heads out of the clouds._

He couldn’t stop the light laughter that rose from his mouth. Even in death the man had a way of showing his irritation.

_I’m truely sorry it came to this darlin’, I am. It’s going to be tough but I need you to be strong, if not for yourself, then for Caleb. I never wanted it to come to this, but shit happens, and there’s not always a way to stop it. And I know everyone’s gonna tell you the same bullshit over and over, but restrain yourself from doin’ something stupid. Because believe it or not Jim, your all Caleb has now. Another fact to which I’m sorry for._

Jim stopped for a moment looking down and taking a deep breath before continuing on. Flipping to the neck piece of paper he read on.

_I left you something up in the loft of the barn. It ain’t much but I figured you’d want something to ease the pain a little. Just…Don’t do something stupid. Please Jim. I don’t wanna be up in heaven and see you comin’ through the pearly gates this soon after me. It’d break this old man’s heart. And we don’t want that happening do we? Shit your coming through the door now, perfect damn timing as always._

Another laugh rose from Jim’s mouth as tears streamed down his cheeks. If Bones had made it, he’d kick his ass right now.

_Just know, that I love you with every fiber of my being. I have from the moment I vomited on your shoes on the shuttle from Riverside, something your probably never going to let me live down. And as much as this sounds stupid, I’m gonna miss ya darlin’. Remember, I’ll be with you all the way. From your grump-ass husband._

_Leonard McCoy._

_PS: Keep your grimy hands off my bourbon. I have Ny and Jan on watch_.’

For the first time in months, Jim felt no tears fall. With the letter he felt closure, and a smile rose to his face as he looked to the silver casket before him. Rising slowly he placed a hand on the surface and nodded.

"I promise." He said and looked up to find Eleanor holding out a silver chain. He nodded slowly and pulled the band from his finger. Taking the chain he slid his ring on and fastened it behind his neck. Letting the metal rest safely over his heart.

"You ready?" She asked. He nodded.

"Yeah." He said and stepped towards the house, keeping the promise in mind as he headed into the next chapter of his life. Knowing that Leonard McCoy was with him every step of the way.


End file.
